Izza-M

A few days after last post, was the second happiest of my life, and every piece seemed to fall into place. I was happy. Not even a week after that, the new foundation that had been build, was hit by a massive wrecking ball, and everything burned to the ground.

I'm still living in the rubble, warming myself with the ashes.

I've not yet proven myself a phoenix, I might never.

But I'm getting back, somehow. And I'm starting soon.

I've been neglecting my dreams and myself for too long. That ends now.

I'll start writing again soon.

My plan:

- Get back into acting

But I'll still post poems and stories here, as I write them.

Last time I posted a journal entry my world had been shaken.

Now I am in the aftershock of a few metaphorical earthquakes.

I am now divorced and on sick leave from my study because of the divorce and the consequences of this.   

But I am convinced that if I try to find happiness in the little things it will lead to me slowly becoming happier. 

Also I am the master of my own happiness;
I'm reaching out to some friends that I don't want to lose. 
I have started a notebook to keep track of my weight and what I eat and drink. I want to lose weight. 5-10 pounds. 
I am adding more veggies to my dinner and cutting down on soda.

With these changes in my life I am beginning to get inspiration back, so hopefully I will soon be able to upload short stories, songs and poems on this page again. 

I suddenly love life again, the sun is beginning to penetrate the clouds of my depression. 

This trip was not what I had planned or expected.

It's my second time here, and last time went without any hick-ups. 

This past week...... well...
I got here on thursday, it was a long flight from Denmark, and we were delayed a couple of times on our way making us miss the bus and having to wait for an hour. We could not reach the grandmother who was waiting for us two hours away at the bus station.

That made me feel nervous and a bit anxious, but those are the things that happen.

This tuesday... we were out, getting the grandmothers car checked, a couple of hours away. It went fine, we had dinner.
When leaving the restaurant, the man holding the door for us told us to "stay out of the storm".

I got a bit worried, but thought it would be fine, the woman has lived here for longer time than I have been alive.

We drive homewards, and then a tornado warning sounds.
We drive through this tornado, towards another tornado. My husband and the grandmother seem very calm, and I feel like she is driving a little fast for the conditions as the rain is pouring down so hard that it's hard to look out the windows.

We get into town, and stay at an empty house there. Here I cower, like a cat in thunder. I was dead terrified.
After we finally get home to the cottage she has (just where the tornado might have been the worst) I learn that the other two were scared as well.....


Terrifying experience, but I survived it.


Today, about half an hour ago, I was playing boardgames with my husband, when the phone rang.

The grandmother had taken a wrong turn and ended up in the wrong lane on a highway. Hit another car. Hers is totalled, she is alive but with a broken wrist and scrapes in the face. I don't know about the other car, I'm hoping for the best.

The grandmother is now in the hospital. Her son, my father-in-law, whom she went to pick up, is now stranded at the bus station, we don't know how long. I'm what feels like a bigillian miles away. Sitting in a cottage in the woods, at least 15 minutes by car from the nearest town, with my husband.

Everything about this will turn out alright..... We know, we are just shaken up by this and worried sick.

The fun thing about this (if one tries to look for it) is that in a weeks time, she and her son is leaving, and me and my husband will be alone for a week, and we were VERY MUCH planning on using that car for outings.

We had a few plans for what we should do in this time, like dinners out and shopping trips. 



This might sound bad that I think of "what about me and my lone week here.." but the mind struggles to think of anything but this accident.


Update:

The other car is totalled... but the driver is "only" shaken up...
The grandmothers car's airbags did not go off (hence the scrapes) though she just had it checked, and the service centre didn't mention anything about the airbags. 

1. This weekend my camera will finally be mine after a long wait (especially if one counts from october when I ordered it the first time).

    I'm looking very much forward to getting it, and finally being able to take my own photos, okay my fiancé has been quite kind in lending me his, but it's difficult for us to remember who took with photos. (EDIT: No it wouldn't cause the person who I thought would get it for me couldn't. So I'll wait untill late august or mid september )

2. I'm looking forward to getting my Paris photos from my fiancé's laptop, so I can post some of them here.

3. I'm planing a photo shoot very soon, me as model, hoping to get some good shoots.

4. In the coming months I'll try to work on my writing 6 hours a week, but I've been blocked for a while so we'll se what happens.

5. I'm having quite a few balls in the air at the moment. So I'm a bit stressed... But I'm hoping for it all to cool a bit off around mid september, but with the new semester starting in september I'm not quite sure when exactly my stress level will fall. (what with christmas sneaking up upon us. Yes there are still almost 5 month, but hey I have to figure out what my plans for it are.)

I'll stop for now, but leave who ever reads this with this: I am hoping to start being creative again soon.